I thought about trying to “prestige” the game by changing all my pics to photos of Richard, but the whole thing has gotten too boring.
Every attractive photo has the same value as one Delta Skymile. You have to sift through 50,000 pics to earn the sexual equivalent of a trip to Denver, and redeeming them will take another few hours of lobbing conversational alley-oops at some dumbo to convince her she has a rapport with you.
Wasn’t the whole point of the app to facilitate casual, semi-anonymous sex via cheaper, easier means than going out to a bar? Fucking straight people suck at everything.
The gays had Grindr, which was genius. Then they had Blendr, which was an even more genius app designed to trick straight guys into thinking they were messaging with girls, who were actually just gay dudes fishing for dick pics.
I need to find a new way to amuse myself.
I think I’m going to start fucking with the “missed connections” section of Craigslist. I’ll reply to posts that describe guys matching my general description; when we meet and I turn out to be the wrong guy, I’ll just smile and be charming and say something about how I believe in astrology.
Sure they’ll probably all be haggard, but I bet there are some Five Diamond weirdos on there with crazy stories.
If I go missing, have the police check my email for clues. On second thought, just smash my computer to pieces and destroy everything. I’d rather die in a cat lady’s basement than have my Firefox history revealed.
This weekend Richard told MP and I that he’d received a naughty photo from a woman, who was attempting to lure him into a sexual rendezvous.
Naturally this prompted a series of questions including whether the woman was retarded, and if Richard had ever sent “Favre style dick pics” to a lady. He hasn’t. I find that surprising considering the times we live in.
To show Richard how easy it is, and to punish him for withholding the identity of the woman in his story, I posted this ad on Craigslist M4M casual encounters.
If you don’t spend a lot of time trawling for NSA sex on the internet, I can assure you this is the kind of offer that gets attention.
You see, Richard? Anyone can do it.
When MP and I told the world we were going to offer the ladies of Craigslist Casual Encounters the chance to win a dream date with Richard, the naysayers called it a joke. They said we didn’t know anything about match making; that we wouldn’t be able to afford an “escort,” and we’d just end up borrowing money to buy Richard a “hooker.”
Sure, that last part may have been our “plan A” at one point, but then we met the lovely AW, and she swept us all off our feet.
As a testament to the power of true love, I present to you the Christmas gifts Richard received from his Dream Date this morning (see photos below). Representing her Midwestern roots, AW sent a “someone in Chicago loves me” shirt, which I’d hoped was from her closet, but upon sniffing discovered it to be a new purchase (exhibit B). She also sent a Chicago style, deep dish pizza (not pictured), the scraps of which I photographed after my lunch (exhibit C).
Merry Christmas, one and all.